Tag Archives: family

50 plus 50 does equal 100 right??

hands

This is a follow-up to an article posted about “going Dutch on the first date”. As a friendly reminder we will do a recap. The moral of the story was if a guy ask you out on a date he should pay for the date but you would be the real MVP to leave the tip after dinner. Now is that how all situations occur? No, certainly not. Some women carry the majority of the expenses and they are fine with it, while some women don’t bring anything to the table but themselves. And that brings us to the second part of the topic, how much should your partner contribute? Some people feel if you’re not married then everything as far as finances should be split 50/50, and I’ve even heard married people still splitting things 50/50.

I mean honestly after the honey moon stage is over in the relationship, women we should at least have the common courtesy to surprise our men with dates and trips so they feel appreciated. Most of the time a true gentleman will never let you see the check, but from time to time offer to pay, it’s the thought that counts. If he is going through a rough spell and may not have the money flowing in like he used to, ladies would you carry the weight until he is able to again? Would you carry your own weight and bring a dish to the table? Having a man provide for you is fine but what are you willing to do for him besides open your legs? No one wants to be around a taker, a complainer, a person in constant competition with them. Home is where peace should be not war. I think we women are queens and we may get spoiled with that title but a real queen makes sure the palace is always operating and her king is constantly at ease. However, if a man isn’t doing things to be deserving of such treatment, then no, he shouldn’t receive it, but then ask yourself why are you letting a man treat you less than you deserve? Don’t get so caught up on what you feel, know what’s real, it’s nothing wrong with you helping out. Don’t take advantage of a good situation, instead capitalize and build, make it a great situation.

It takes a real man to help a woman understand no amount of  money can replace time spent and memories made. Men are the providers and protectors of the hierarchy. In some men there is a disconnect with the responsibility and yet the benefit is still expected to be reciprocated. If you show a queen that you will give your all to her, she will die making sure that you never have to. Real women speak life into the men around her, your dreams will be her dreams. Sadly, some women will suck the breath out of you, anything you try to accomplish will crumble so choose wisely. This is why you must protect and provide for the real women, because she will abandon her dream to speak life into yours. When there is a balance you as a leader can make sure she doesn’t have to leave her path to pave yours, you enrich her life so she is 10 times the woman as before. I believe men should pay bills, but not all of them. I believe men should pay for dates, but not every date. I believe men should be gift givers, but they deserve to be receivers also. I do believe men are the leaders, but real men know how to follow good directions.

I have been a taker as well as a giver and I can say both meant nothing at the time of occurrence. I took material and monetary things to replace time and love. I took because I thought the world owed me. I was a taker because I felt like no one was going to get me before I got them, and I always was the one who got got, go figure. At times I gave from the heart and other times I gave out of guilt and out of manipulation. I gave until I didn’t have anything left for me and it still wasn’t enough. I gave to gain acceptance and still didn’t get an invite. It all taught me balance, taught me self-love and self perseverance. I learned you get what you give in everything you do. nothing is owed to you and no one can read your mind. If you need help ask, if you don’t then be a helper. I ultimately learned love is an action. The way we spend our money on each other should be based upon the need it will eliminate, the joy it will bring and the memories it will created. One of my favorite quotes by Samuel Johnson is, “Kindness is in our power even when fondness is not”.

By: Keidra Ponder

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Expressing Condolences to an Acquaintance

By Suzie Kolber

You see her softly sobbing in her cubicle. You’ve heard the story that her father recently passed away, but you don’t know her very well. You only say “hi” when you come in or when you pass her a new file. What will you say when you pass by her today?

You’ve noticed how he avoids everyone lately, and he comes in late to work. You know his wife died a few weeks ago, and he’s just not the same. You haven’t had a reason to talk to him, but you have a meeting scheduled this afternoon with just the two of you. Should you broach the subject or pretend everything is normal?

These situations are awkward for the most eloquent people. For the average person, it can make them uncomfortable to be around someone who has suffered a loss. The question of whether to say something and if so, what should you say comes to everyone at one time or another. If you follow these guidelines, it won’t have to be so awkward to express condolences to an acquaintance.

Obvious Avoidance

Remember that if you feel you should say something and don’t, it will be obvious to the other person that you’re avoiding the subject. They will feel even more uncomfortable and alone. Instead, if the situation seems to call for some kind of expression of sympathy, do it.

You can keep the comments short and casual. In the first instance, you could simply say something like this:

“I heard about your loss and I wanted to express my sympathy. Let me know if you need more time to work on this file.”

The second situation calls for something a little more direct. Maybe you’re the supervisor or at least a co-worker involved in a project with the guy whose wife died. You need to broach the subject because it will be obvious if you’re ignoring it. And face it, he probably knows he’s not acting the same and he knows other people realize it as well. You can handle this situation by saying:

“I know this is a difficult time for you. I’m sorry for what you’re going through, and let me know if there’s any way I can help. I can take on more work for this project or give you an extension to the deadline.”

By offering solid suggestions for ways you can help, you take the focus off the death of the loved one and put it on helping them out. Many times, people don’t know what help is needed or what to ask for, and you offering a specific way of assisting them enables them to figure out how to deal with their grief.

Avoid trite comments just for the sake of saying something. You don’t need to say a lot to express your condolences, but make them words that count. Remember that not saying anything can make the situation more awkward than anything you might say. Even the most basic sentiments can help the person feel better and allow them the freedom to work through their grief with your support.

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Suzie Kolber is a writer at obituarieshelp.org . The site is a complete guide for someone seeking help for writing sympathy messages, condolence letters and funeral planning resources.