This is a follow-up to an article posted about “going Dutch on the first date”. As a friendly reminder we will do a recap. The moral of the story was if a guy ask you out on a date he should pay for the date but you would be the real MVP to leave the tip after dinner. Now is that how all situations occur? No, certainly not. Some women carry the majority of the expenses and they are fine with it, while some women don’t bring anything to the table but themselves. And that brings us to the second part of the topic, how much should your partner contribute? Some people feel if you’re not married then everything as far as finances should be split 50/50, and I’ve even heard married people still splitting things 50/50.
I mean honestly after the honey moon stage is over in the relationship, women we should at least have the common courtesy to surprise our men with dates and trips so they feel appreciated. Most of the time a true gentleman will never let you see the check, but from time to time offer to pay, it’s the thought that counts. If he is going through a rough spell and may not have the money flowing in like he used to, ladies would you carry the weight until he is able to again? Would you carry your own weight and bring a dish to the table? Having a man provide for you is fine but what are you willing to do for him besides open your legs? No one wants to be around a taker, a complainer, a person in constant competition with them. Home is where peace should be not war. I think we women are queens and we may get spoiled with that title but a real queen makes sure the palace is always operating and her king is constantly at ease. However, if a man isn’t doing things to be deserving of such treatment, then no, he shouldn’t receive it, but then ask yourself why are you letting a man treat you less than you deserve? Don’t get so caught up on what you feel, know what’s real, it’s nothing wrong with you helping out. Don’t take advantage of a good situation, instead capitalize and build, make it a great situation.
It takes a real man to help a woman understand no amount of money can replace time spent and memories made. Men are the providers and protectors of the hierarchy. In some men there is a disconnect with the responsibility and yet the benefit is still expected to be reciprocated. If you show a queen that you will give your all to her, she will die making sure that you never have to. Real women speak life into the men around her, your dreams will be her dreams. Sadly, some women will suck the breath out of you, anything you try to accomplish will crumble so choose wisely. This is why you must protect and provide for the real women, because she will abandon her dream to speak life into yours. When there is a balance you as a leader can make sure she doesn’t have to leave her path to pave yours, you enrich her life so she is 10 times the woman as before. I believe men should pay bills, but not all of them. I believe men should pay for dates, but not every date. I believe men should be gift givers, but they deserve to be receivers also. I do believe men are the leaders, but real men know how to follow good directions.
I have been a taker as well as a giver and I can say both meant nothing at the time of occurrence. I took material and monetary things to replace time and love. I took because I thought the world owed me. I was a taker because I felt like no one was going to get me before I got them, and I always was the one who got got, go figure. At times I gave from the heart and other times I gave out of guilt and out of manipulation. I gave until I didn’t have anything left for me and it still wasn’t enough. I gave to gain acceptance and still didn’t get an invite. It all taught me balance, taught me self-love and self perseverance. I learned you get what you give in everything you do. nothing is owed to you and no one can read your mind. If you need help ask, if you don’t then be a helper. I ultimately learned love is an action. The way we spend our money on each other should be based upon the need it will eliminate, the joy it will bring and the memories it will created. One of my favorite quotes by Samuel Johnson is, “Kindness is in our power even when fondness is not”.
By: Keidra Ponder
Ok fellas I know it’s a new day and age, but really is it ok to go Dutch on the first date? Ladies have you ever been asked to go Dutch? How does this play on gender roles? How has the norms of the American society shaped such a question? I would like to examine this topic from a man and a woman’s point of view in a positive and negative light.
Personally, I think a man asking a woman out on a date and then asking her to pay half of the bill is unconstitutional. I mean just looking at traditional customs when a man shows interest in a woman, he asked her out on a date. He asked her out on a date so he could get to know her better and build a connection that could lead to their bodies being connected, of course. In my eyes a man who wants you to pay half of the bill on the first date has no real interest in pursuing you seriously. He doesn’t value your company enough to pay for a meal he surely won’t value your time when he’s sorting through his other options. Yes it appears that you are an option, a priority will be treated as such and you better believe he has priorities. Some men like to test women to see what they will do when put in situations like this. They are insecure and want to see if you will react like their last girl or if you would be as irate as they thought you would be.
Now if a woman leaves the tip she is the real MVP, especially when she does it on her own free will. Not all women base love off the amount of money you spend on her. Women love to feel protected and secure on all levels. If she feels as if you would give your last for her, she will give her all to you. The first date is crucial when it comes to dating, first impressions are everything. If she feels like you can’t buy a meal then how are you going to buy anything else of importance? It’s not the money that’s the issue it’s the consideration. But you have some women that will take the entire tab and won’t let a man pay for anything. She might as well give him her panties too. Why take the protector and provider role from a man? Why do you need to parade the fact that you can do it? If he feels like you don’t need him for anything, then how could he ever be your knight in shining amour? Anytime he messes up in the relationship this woman who would buy this man anything he desires will also take it back just to show her power over him.
Roles have been reversed among the male and female and the reasoning is beyond me. Some say it’s due to society and the evolution of the independent female. Some of it’s due to the lack of leadership among our males and the unequal treatment in the workforce. If you have more money than your man then you should invest in his dreams not in his leisure. Help him plant a seed to grow his own tree rather than eating the fruit from yours. And same for the men, help your woman cultivate her land don’t pull up all the roots because you don’t see her true essence. But I think I got a little too deep, back to the surface, on a first date treat her as you would want someone to treat your mother, your sister or your daughter. And women remember you are someone’s mother, someone’s sister, someone’s daughter, so act accordingly.
Stay tuned for part 2…..
By: Keidra Ponder
Keidra is a blogger, publicist and humanitarian living in Atlanta, Ga. She is the creator of Keedie’s Corner with a passion for telling the story. Keidra has been a co-host on various internet radio stations including; Ear Kandi Radio, HME Radio and AUMA Radio. She is currently a production assistant producing independent films with Lovizionz Multimedia. Keidra provides services to individuals looking for public relations and campaigning assistance. Contact her at email@example.com and follow her on social media at; Facebook- Keidra Ponder and Keedie’s Corner, Twitter- @keediescorner, Instagram- @keediescorner and @keedie_ceo and on Snapchat- @keediescorner.
Published by Keedies Corner
Written by Bruce Walton Jr
It’s a damn crime what you do to her damn spine/
I ain’t no chiropractor, ask her, I’m an actor/
I play the role just to get the part/
She keep askin’ “what about my heart?”/
Girl…who told you to bring that “thang” up in this game?/
You talk about your dream date and how he acts “this way”/
Well if that man exist why don’t you have em’?/
Either you hard to read or I’m in the wrong chapter/
Shoulda’ known or knew she’d break her back for you, if thats what she have to do/
So you can be her new back bone, baby thats collateral/
You shoulda’ asked me first girl, you’re dead wrong/
I’m too stubborn, I aint the one you can just force up on/
But you opened up those legs, I got up in that bed, why I ain’t read the fine print of your cell phone plan/
I ain’t except these charges for roamin’, you lost me/
You ain’t like the “long distance” so it cost me/
I need the “411” babe is that gone cost me?/
Fillin’ up your memories with false things, I thought you had that 4G?/
I bet you wished your heart was a SD card/
That you could unmount and just clear all off/
Why you got the “family plan”?, why I left you with the bill?/
I knew that check ain’t have value I let you cash and bounced again/
Now you embarrassed ‘cuz everybody in the bank starrin’/
Before that, you were bragin’ about the check and they were damn jealous/
Is it my fault?/
Should I pretend your heart is my heart?/
Shoulda known she’ll break her back for you, if that’s what she have to do/
And you ain’t gotta’ ask her to/
But damn I ain’t ask her to/